After folks started going ham in Dana’s comments, this is what Jordin had to say:

“Here’s a message: if your significant other is making you cut off your really good, stand up, been there since forever friends, male or female…GET OUT. (Not talking about the friends that are toxic/frenemies, that’s a problem and should be addressed.) That’s controlling/toxic and people are NOT objects you own. Again, people are NOT OBJECTS YOU OWN. Friends are super important for your well-being especially those that knew you before certain huge life changes happen. It’s HEALTHY. I hope you all find someone that treats you like my husband and his friends do. They are truly the best. May the odds be ever in your favor.”

For the most part, I agree with Jordin. Everything she stated sounds “HEALTHY”, as she made a point of capitalizing. From what I gather, she has a great relationship with her husband’s friends and vice versa. When I think of marriage, I automatically think of the word “union”.

Definition of union

 (Entry 1 of 2)1a: an act or instance of uniting or joining two or more things into one: such as (2): a uniting in marriage.

Marriage is a concept that is very spiritual, and sacred to me. When joining your life to another’s, you’re essentially inheriting a lot of that person’s “stuff”. Whether its material stuff, family members, debt, or friends, at some point the worlds intertwine. You truly switch languages and trade an “I” for a “we”. I have been told that I view relationships/marriage through a Disney+ lens but that we really live in a BET Uncut world. I can’t help it, I really and truly value marriage, family, and legacy building. I definitely believe that it is necessary to have wise friends/counsel outside of your spouse, whether they are male or female. But there DEFFFFFINITELY need to be healthy BOUNDARIES. If my husband has female best friends that he knew before me, my expectation is that I have an opportunity to be familiar with them as well. However, the same applies to his male friends.

While I do believe that it is possible to have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex (I’ve done it with ease), I have seen the word “friend” misused and abused in the context of a relationship. First and foremost, I think it’s important for both parties in a relationship to have a common understanding of what they each consider to be a “friend”. If you as my man tell me that you have at some point slept with, kissed or crossed any physical lines with all of your female friends, that is major cause for concern. If you as my man tell me you cannot introduce me to your female friends, that’s another pause. If you as my man tell me that your female best friend (who you have not introduced me to) is who you turn to when we’re having problems, THAT is a problem! Necessary boundaries go beyond sex. In my mind, a man creating emotional intimacy with someone outside of his partner is extremely dangerous. Many men can sling their ding dongs with a slew of women as far as the east is from the west, and it not mean a thing (yet and still unacceptable). But once a man starts confiding in a woman that is not his woman, he’s charting perilous territory. At the end of the day, what works for one isn’t going to work for all. Personally, I don’t have a problem with my significant other having friends of the opposite sex, I just wanna know them too. I have no issue with offering the same common courtesy in return. It’s not about control so much as it is about establishing some sense of sanctity with the person you’re with. I think it’s fair to want to know who your mate’s friends are, but it is most important to be with someone who is loyal, trustworthy, respects you, the relationship you share, and who is able to exercise self-control in any given situation. I’m curious to know what your thoughts are. Let me know with a comment below!

Everybody that knows me knows that there are many things that I love. But people that REALLY know me, know that three things top the list:

1.) LOVE (duh)
2.) Babies and….
3.) MUSIC

Coincidentally, all of those things go together quite nicely on this here Valentine’s Day, huh? But I digress. Right now, the focus is on that third love: music. Namely music from rising Republic Records star Kiana Ledé. You may recognize her from her YouTube covers including her rendition of Drake’s “Hotline Bling” that garnered over 40 million cumulative plays. Plain and simple, I’m giving you three reasons why you MUST check out Kiana Ledé’s debut EP “Selfless”.

Reason 1: It’s real and relatable

If you watched the Grammys this past Sunday, you probably remember that one of the highlights of the show was Alicia Keys’ ‘I Wish I Wrote Them” medley of songs that she wishes she had written. Well, with lyrics like “I gave you time, cuz I was blind and I was patient/tried to focus on the good times, but the bad outweighed it,” I’m sure many would agree that listening to “Selfless” might feel like listening to a page out of your diary.

Reason 2: Vocals

I live for amazing vocals, and Kiana Ledé is serving just that. Sultry, stately, but packed with power, the girl’s got range. This clip of her singing “Fairplay” which is featured on the “Selfless” EP puts that range on full display.

Reason 3: She’s just getting started

“Selfless” is a solid compilation of sounds that will give you “the feels” as some would say. At seven tracks totaling just 21 minutes, “Selfless” is a smooth listen and will likely leave you wanting more, just like it’s supposed to. She’s young, her sound is fresh, and she has all of the necessary elements to bring some heat on her debut album, and I’m here for all of it! She’s on tour with Ella Mai right now, so be sure to catch her while you can.

Anyway, over the past few years, as I really started to develop my walk, God has literally placed me in the hands of some amazing believers. My nail tech Corinn, for one, is someone I truly consider a sister in Christ. She knows some of my deepest, darkest secrets (lmbo), and she is THEE best nail tech I’ve ever encountered. Over the past 3 years, as she’s worked on my hands, God has also used her to work on my spirit and heart. She’s truly been a major blessing to me both creatively and spiritually.

After a TERRIBLE Groupon experience with a very un-gentle “wax-lady” (I won’t even call her an esthetician), I decided to go back to a wonderful Black-owned spa called Dawning Tranquility. And it is EVERYthing it sounds like. I had my first wax with Dawn In February of 2015. I’ll never forget because I was going THROUGH some things that day, and almost canceled the appointment. However, I went and somehow ended up explaining to her some of what I was going through. She blessed me with cupcakes from Sweet Lobby, across the street from her spa. That was when I KNEW I’d be a patron for life. Just kidding [well half-kidding at least, I love a good cupcake]. Dawn was able to take what can be a very painful,  uncomfortable process and help me breathe through it. [Don’t miss that MESSAGE].

After that first visit in 2015, I fell off the waxing wagon. I just figured there were ways around the pain. Indeed there were, but none of them seemed to get the job done quite right. Go figure. More recently, I decided to once again subject myself to the torment of regular waxes. Thankfully with Dawn, it is not so torturous at all (there is a God!!). She was just as soothing and efficient as I remembered, but this time I started pouring out my faith teas. Long story short, she helped me to acknowledge a few things about myself:

1.) I tend to brace myself for pain, literally but TRULY figuratively. When you know something is likely going to hurt, what do you do? You tense up, right? So as she would get ready to pull away a strip, I would freeze and get tense, not realizing that by doing that, I was actually holding in and maximizing the pain. Once I started to relax and trust the process, it became far more bearable and it was over before I even realized.

2.) My prayer, meditation, and devotional time are not in vain, and it is most certainly not just for me. Recently I’ve been kind of struggling in my prayer life. I’ve been feeling like my prayers are hitting the ceiling and dropping back into my lap. In my most recent visit to Dawn, I once again just started pouring out my heart and soul to her. In that appointment, I said something to her to make her say to me, “God sent you here to tell me that today.” I had been reading through Proverbs and was like “Yes, yes, what awesome repetitive wisdom!” (Forgive me, Lord). But I just wasn’t feeling like it was applicable to my exact point of need at that moment. And I was right because it wasn’t just for me. In retrospect, it brought to my remembrance 2 Corinthians 1:4 (MSG):

“He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.”

Now even though it wasn’t a situation where either of us was in “hard times”, God allowed me to read His wisdom and subsequently pass it on. He wants us in His word so that when the opportunity arises, we can share it where applicable.

3.) And that brings me to my third and final point. My relationship with God is not just about me. It’s not really about me at all, actually.  It’s so easy to get caught up in what He can do for me, praying for myself, and my needs and wants. But my relationship with Him is about what He can do through me for the glorification of His Kingdom. How did I get all this from a Brazilian Wax? Only God knows

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of the Broccoli City Festival. Well they’re more than just a festival! Broccoli City is a non-profit organization committed to educating, equipping and mobilizing millennials to build thriving urban communities.  The organization has partnered with Nike, Inc., and announced that registration for the annual Broccoli City 5K Race and Fitness Day is now open. The annual event, now in its sixth year, will take place rain or shine on Saturday, April 21, 2018 at Anacostia Park. Advanced registration is $15, and available online through April 13, 2018.

Proceeds from this year’s event will benefit the Broccoli City Foundation and its year-round programming. On-site registration is available and packet pickup will begin at 8:00am with the race beginning promptly at 9:30am at the Anacostia Skate Pavilion. Participants will run/walk the closed course along the scenic Anacostia River returning to the finish line at Anacostia Skate Pavilion. The event will conclude with post-race refreshments, entertainment, a cool down with Spiked Spin and giveaways from Nike. In an effort to shift the culture towards health and wellness, the 5K and Fitness Day is a celebration of fitness and physical health for all ages and levels. Whether you want to run, walk or just cheer others on, this will be an event for all to feel welcome!

This year, Broccoli City will partner with Nike Running and their Choose Go campaign to help support and expand the ability to get the neighbors living in the District to move. “Nike Running has been an invaluable partner to our organization. We share a commitment to improving the outcomes in our communities and are looking forward to continuing to work together to empower people to live healthier lives.” said Brandon McEachern, Founder of Broccoli City. 

For more information, or to register for the Broccoli City 5K and Fitness Day, visit BCFestival.com 

The reality is, no matter how much we love each other, my husband and I are going to have enough disagreements without the contention of opposing spiritual beliefs. That’s just an aside to the fact that marriage is a covenant created by God for a purpose greater than loving someone, making babies, and having “legal” sex. There was a point in time where I had a more limited view of the purpose of marriage. I – like many others – had the image of falling in love with someone, getting married to them, and having kids. I thought I was REALLY thinking in detail when I started imagining the aspects of living together, house chores, having sex, ummm…making dinner? I don’t know…but those are all menial factors in the grand scheme of things. It was the development of my spirit and relationship with God, and a yearning to really understand what marriage entails, that pointed me to marriage’s truest purpose – kingdom destiny. As I continued to get notifications from the Facebook thread, I noticed that some people’s reasoning was that as long there was love and mutual respect for the other’s religious beliefs, it would all work out just fine. And that led me to saying:

In essence, I was saying why not just put the whole foundation of the institution on the back burner, if not in the trash altogether? Now, me saying this was pretty much my vaguely facetious logic of  how a marriage between people with different religious beliefs could work. I’m not saying that every marriage between people of different religious backgrounds is doomed to fail. I’m not saying that marrying someone with the same religious beliefs equals automatic, guaranteed success. What I am saying is, it’s a lot easier to be on the same page with someone when you’re both reading from the same book. So for ME, marrying someone that is not a Christian is not an option. I used to think that the phrase “you complete me” was a complete farce. Two individuals should come into a union as healed, whole, and complete persons, not seeking the other for completion. However, I realized that for those God has called into marriage, their destinies are tied to their spouse. Yes, we all have our unique, individual purposes, but if God has joined us in union with another person, it is because there is something He has called us to that can only be achieved through that bond of togetherness. In an interview with Erica Campbell on Get Up Mornings!, JJ Hairston spoke of some of the hurdles he faced in his marriage to his beautiful wife, Trina Hairston. He said that in the midst of them being separated, God told him: ‘the things you want, you’ll never get without her.’ “We were separated, we were on our way to divorce and eventually, I really believe I had a conversation with God about what I should do with my life and Trina was in the middle of it. Everything revolved around my relationship with my wife, and I believe God told me that if you want favor, she is your favor (Proverbs 18:22),” JJ said in another interview.

Warryn and Erica Campbell have also been very transparent about their sixteen-year marital journey. One of the stories that really sticks out to me is Erica’s account of her wedding day; her uncle kept calling her and Warryn’s marriage a ministry and Erica was like ‘Why does he keep saying that?’ She said that it wasn’t until later on in their marriage that she realized it was very much-so a ministry: “But I understand it now. If I would have looked at our marriage as a ministry, I could have avoided probably the first 4 years of dumb thinking and bringing in negative thoughts…if I had looked at it like ‘I stood before God, I made a commitment before God.'”

Marriage is meant to glorify the Creator; it’s the closest example of Christ’s love for His bride, the church. In Timothy and Kathy Keller’s book The Meaning of Marriage, they write: “Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is doing in the life of their mate through the Word, the gospel. Each spouse then should give him- or herself to be a vehicle for that work and envision the day that you will stand together before God, seeing each other presented in spotless beauty and glory…Marriage has the power to set the course of your life as a whole. It has that power because it was instituted by God.” At the end of the day, I say all this to say I want a marriage with a spiritual foundation because I know that it’s not just about me and my fleeting feelings. I know, that like with every other major decision in my life, Christ has to be the center of. There isn’t anything that I have been successful at thus far, that was done in my own strength. I want to be on one accord with my husband spiritually, first and foremost, and I cannot do that by disregarding my relationship with Christ or his hypothetical lack thereof. So as for me and my, OUR house, we shall serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15).

At the end of the day, my question is (well my questions are, rather): Regrets…HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM? Why can so many of us (women especially) relate to 4:43? Why do we invest SO much heart, time, body, and soul into men? Where are the timelines, i.e. how long is too long to be with someone before realizing we’re giving more than we will EVER get out of them? Most importantly, what can we do to change this narrative?

I have been through the heartache of break-ups, and yes breaking up is HARD to do. But after going through the rinse and repeat rigmarole of recycled relationships, I will speak for myself when I say this: it’s ok to kick and cry a little once it’s over, but eventually, you gotta get over that sh…STUFF! Did it hurt to see the man that I longed for so deeply propose to someone else? Uhhh duh. Did I feel inadequate and unworthy? Sho ’nuff. However, sometimes things just don’t work out. And sometimes, that’s because they aren’t supposed to. There are usually (not always, but usually) signs that we are out of pocket.  We can’t plant our seeds of love, time, and energy into bad soil and expect a healthy tree to grow.  At this point in my life, I will NOT complain about any of the time that I can’t get back. Essentially, it was time, love, and energy that I CHOSE to give. I was HAPPY to give it, KNOWING that there was a possibility that I wouldn’t get to reap the “benefits” of it later. Time is one of the few gifts that comes with no gift receipts. Why aren’t we more selective in who we are giving our “all” to? ‘They” say we should never lend what we can’t afford to lose. “They” are usually referring to money, but the same applies with love.

I think sometimes we romanticize and make an idol of time. We aren’t even in love with the person so much as we are with the idea that we’ve already invested so much time and energy in them. It’s the comfort of familiarity, and I get that. It’s also the resentment of putting in work, just for that man to use what you taught him elsewhere. Above all that though, I’m a hopeless romantic that knows that if I didn’t get a full ROI from my past relationships, I’m certainly going to get my due just from somewhere else. Just like he did We don’t always reap where we sow. I spent so much time harboring bitterness over a bad harvest, and I could have been using that energy to prepare myself for a better crop. Well, now I know.

I spent many years, on and off, investing in a fixer-upper thinking: “I’ve already invested this much time, I’m not letting go now. Next time, will be the best time, will be the right time.” Was it worth it? Yes and no. I think we both left with something of value. Yet and still, I’ve since declared that I’m not here for anymore project n****s. Come correct, or not at all. I’m willing to work with you, but you gotta give me something to work with. There is a difference between “anything worth having is worth fighting for” and “fighting futile fights for the sake of time already spent”. Like with any and every other important life altering decision, it takes the wisdom to know what that difference is. For me, I had to take many blinding elements out of the equation to clear my bank of discernment. We can’t do things our own way, resting on our own laurels, and then get mad at the results of our choice. Love is a choice. Love is not selfish.  So if you’re CHOOSING to love someone, it should be without selfish ambition. You can wallow in whatever once was, and all that it will never be. Or you can glow the eff up and receive all the greatness that’s coming for you thanks to the bullet you dodged with that other person. And finally, love is a gamble. We have to accept that. Or, not lol. It’s really up to you.

So I, like millions of others was EXTREMELY excited to hear that Xscape would be performing at this year’s BET Awards after an almost two decades-long hiatus. While I was glad to see all of the ladies together on stage again, I was particularly ecstatic to see and hear Tameka “Tiny” Harris back on a stage in! I love, love, LOVE her! And it seems like the audience did too. There were cheers and whatnot when the group started with the opening hook to “Understanding”, but when Tiny started her solo there was definitely a higher level of audible enthusiasm. Despite all  the negativity that is often spewed toward her, she’s been a great wife, an awesome mother, loyal friend, and just an all around sweet woman, at least from where I’m sitting *shrug*. To see her do what she loves after almost 20 years just really made my heart smile ALL of the ladies did an amazing job last night. Xscape still got it, y’all! I know they better be bringing their tails to DC!

I haven’t always done a very good job of guarding my heart. In retrospect, the period before I re-dedicated my life to Christ was a spiritual drought. Because of that drought, the little drops and sprinkles of the Word that I was getting, felt like rain showers.  I wasn’t filled with scripture, so Sundays were enough. I read my Bible here and there, but devotionals and daily meditation were not a part of my routine. I was so spiritually parched that any ole thing that resembled a “good word” quenched that thirst. Ironically enough, this drought saturated every area of my life. Instead of living a healthy, balanced, Holy spirit filled life, I was mired down by mediocrity. My relationships were wrong, my language was wrong, my mentality was wrong, it was ALL wrong. Since I wasn’t accustomed to being completely filled with what was right, it was easy to become tolerant and make room (with BEAUCOUP excuses) for what was wrong.

Luke 6:45 says “…out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks”. I recently heard someone say that when we are under pressure, what is in us is will inevitably come out of us. If we are filled with (No)Love and (No)Hip Hop antics and “Sex With Me” lyrics…well what do YOU think is going to come out when we’re faced with a confrontation with a “frenemy”, or caught up in the moment at bae’s house? Think about it, when you get sick and vomit you see the remnants of your meals, right? It is the same with what we ingest into our spirits. I no longer allow myself to get to the point where I’m so spiritually empty, that the bare minimum is enough. I am nowhere near perfect, but I’m grateful for the conviction of the Holy Spirit showing me that with Jesus, I truly never have to thirst again.

I have been listening to Willie Moore Jr. on my local Praise station (Praise DC 104.1) since he was on in the Evenings. Now that he’s on the Afternoon Drive I’ve had a greater opportunity to really listen to his ministry. This clip is just one of the many hilarious, but completely accurate mini-sermons that he serves on the daily. I mean the man preaches, totally backed up by scripture, but does it in a way that is relatable to millennials. What I love about the Moore, Jr.s is their transparency about faith and family. Most recently, they have written a relationship book called Happily After All. From finances to infidelity, to raising children and complementing one another in ministry, they give it ALL to you straight no chaser.  If you’re single and looking or married and struggling, it’s a book that I would HIGHLY recommend you add to your library. Be sure to subscribe to their YouTube pages and follow them on all socials, because it will TRULY bless your entire life!

Willie Moore, Jr. on YouTube

IG: @WillieMooreJrlive

Patricia Moore, Jr. on YouTube

IG: @MrsMakeup1

Last night, after Bible study, I went out for a late night dinner/catch-up session with a good friend whom I consider to be my sister in Christ. She suggested the TGI Friday’s close to the church, but I was reluctant. Previous visits to the restaurant proved to be pretty lackluster. Yet and still, it was nearby and suited the purpose of ‘So what’s goin’ on with you, girl?!’ time. When we got there I toiled and toiled over the menu. I have to have flipped through that menu 20+ times, to the point where my friend made a joke and said: “I just want to let you know, that nothing on that menu has changed since the last time you flipped through it.” However, I knew that in the past, I had left with my palate less than satisfied. Therefore, my perusing had to be well calculated. I eventually settled on a spinach queso dip because well, how can you mess up chips and dip? Anyway, my friend who had been there earlier in the week decided to get what she got before, the ribs and fried shrimp. Now, I am a bonafide skeptic when it comes to ribs. I need them “falling off the bone” tender, well-seasoned, and meaty. Although the ribs

Over the course of our dinner we talked about everything from work, to faith, to dating and relationships. Eventually, we each ended up talking about the guys who had most recently caused us the most irritation and frustration. Actually, let me rephrase that. We talked about the guys that we have allowed to cause us such irritation and frustration. My friend went on to tell me about this dude that she’s been dealing with for a while. Let me just say, this guy’s behavior is IDENTICAL to that of the guy that I allowed in my life for a little longer than too long. What does that look like, you ask? Well let’s see, he’s inconsistent (super attentive and lovey-dovey one minute and completely detached the next), flaky when it comes to making and keeping plans, a dream seller, a master manipulator, and a Jedi-mind tricker, but always a great time when he does decide to be around. Now this sounds like a no-brainer, right? Like, ‘WHAT in the heck are you doing entertaining such foolishness in the first place?!’  *Sigh* if only….

By the time she finished telling me about this fool’s latest shenanigans, she was down to her last few ribs. She said: “Yea, these ribs are burnt. Well at least the ones on the end are.” However, she kept eating them! Finally, she laughed and said, “That’s how you know I’m cheap. I’m only eating them because I’m paying for them.” **For the record she’s not really cheap**. That’s when I said, “That sounds a lot like that situation-ship. Holdin’ on when you should just let it go. Like ‘yeaaaa, I don’t really like this but I already paid for it so……*shrug*.’” We were laughing, but we knew that this was exactly the case. Sometimes, we sell ourselves cheap because of the time we’ve already invested. Her justification was that she has yet to meet someone else that she feels such a spark with. I had to remind her (and myself), that God will send her someone that makes her feel that same spark, but without all the pain and sadness.  He is capable of creating that same spark again, but with a person who has all the respectable qualities that are required to sustain a healthy relationship. God is the master mathematician. He knows just where to add and exactly what to subtract. This past Sunday, my pastor preached a sermon called “The Choice Is Yours”. One of the most poignant points he made was this: “Your life now is the sum total of the decisions you’ve made up until this point.” Now, if my friend and I had been as careful about who we allowed into our hearts, as I was with that menu last night, each of our situations would probably look a lot different right now. I say all that to say, we know the signs when we see them. Female intuition is really not a joke. You KNOW he doesn’t love you! But you also know that God does. Act accordingly by moving on and trusting that God knows what He’s doing and will send you just what you need, right when you need it.